Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Not Lovin the Oven

So, along with a bunch of other new shit my parents bought with a new found source of wealth discovered as soon as me and my brother both went off to school(interesting) my parents got a new oven. What happened to the 0-500 dial? Thats all i need. Thats all i want. Theres like 45 buttons on the thing. Temperatures now have 4 places of accuracy. Like my Tyson frozen chicken nuggets really care whether they're being baked at 375.6689 of 375.6687 degrees. You literally need to press forty buttons to get it to do anything. Select bake type. Select food type(cuz it makes so much of a difference), select this. Select that. Oh crap i screwed up. Control-Alt-Delete. Start over. Household technology used to be cool. Oh man color tv is invented, sweet. A remote, awesome. Now its like lets make things complicated. Or combine shit. Look a toaster that burns the weather report on the bread. An oven that sends emails. Wow take my 1000 dollars, so worth it. Lets go back to curing cancer instead of figuring out how to make an ipod that fits under your finger nail.

Friday, December 2, 2005

One Of The Bens

Tonight is the Ben Kweller concert at the auditorium. People have been asking me if I'm going mostly as a half joke cuz my animoisty toward queers with acoustic guitars swooning about relashionships isnt too hidden. I kind of felt bad though, like I judged a book by its cover, until i picked up an issue of the daily colegian which happened to have a few of his lyrics in it. Didnt feel bad after reading a couple of the lines this  "intelectual lyricist whose influences include the Beatles and Bob Dylan" wrote:

But I like it here in my small space/New York's the place where the sidewalks know my face. - good one dr. suess.

Love ain't supposed to be this bad/make you cry mega ultra sad. - Lol. Are you serious? Oh no i need more syllabels to make this rhyme work i guess ill throw "mega" and "ultra" in there. Two words with the same definition. And i mean who says mega or ultra in a song?

So to make sure these werent just flukes and that Ben was indeed competing with Andre 3000 for worst lyrics ever written that arent in a Black Eyed Peas song (cuz lets face it, if the Blacked Eyed Peas are included in any contest regarding bad music its really no contest) i looked up some more lyrics. Heres what i found:

Fly home to my cat on the F train/I'm protected from pain. - Not just bad but ultra mega gay too.

I want to kill this man but he turned around and ran.
I'll kill him with karate that I learned in Japan.
He wouldn't see my face. I wouldn't leave a trace.
I wouldn't use a bullet cause a bullet's a disgrace. - This one is my favorite. Number of "sucessful" rhymes, 4. Amount of dignity lost, uncalculatable.

So no, i dont think im gonna go. And to the people i know that are going, next time you want to make fun off real music or claim that this is music just read those lyrics and see if you can keep a straight face while you do it.