Monday, October 29, 2007

When Did Football Players Start Complaining More Than Baseball Players?

I ask the above question because its usually baseball players that whine like babies about the game("but I want 30 million a year : ( "), but ever since the Patriots have been tooling on the league the NFL has been showing their feminine side.

At least the Jets accusations early in the season had substance. Substance in that we did video tape them, but lack of substance in the fact that it was our video tapes that granted us victory. It probably had more to do with how much the Jets suck who have proved how little worth video taping any part of their strategy is by going 1-7 so far this season.

But after yesterdays game we're getting into goo goo ga ga territory. Trounced 52-7 Redskins lineman Randall Godfrey had the following to say about Bill Belichick(I know the man's such an asshole for winning games):
     "I said something to (Belichick) after the game," Godfrey said to "I  told him, 'You need to show some respect
     for the game.' You just don't do that. I  don't care how bad it is.
     You're up 35 points and you're still throwing  deep? That's  
     no  respect....

    "You look at all the great head coaches ... I'm just disappointed," he  
     said. "You gotta show some class, show some respect. Joe Gibbs? We
     wouldn't have done that. Bill Walsh? You wouldn't see those types of
     guys doing that stuff. I've never seen nothing like that. Most teams,
     you get up like that you sit on the ball and try to run the time
     out. They're up 30-some points and they're throwing deep. That was
     blatant disrespect. I hope we can see them again, definitely. You don't
     see Joe Gibbs doing that. You can't even imagine that kind of stuff
     coming from him. Joe Gibbs. Bill Walsh. Bill Parcells. This isn't like
     college going for power rankings. This is the pros you show
     some respect, show some class."

Randall then went on to complaining about how the cookies supplied in the locker room did not have enough chocolate chips in them, saying "...its either a sugar cookie or you put some [chocolate] chips in the mother f*@%er. Ain't no type of cookie in between wit three or four chips only."

Lets take a look at some reasons this statement is ridonculous:

1. We were up by over thirty after the first half. It takes a pretty loose interpretation of "run out the clock" to refer to half of the football game.

"Alright guys. We're up by thirty and the Skins only have half an hour to score points so no more passing. Tom you're out. Cassel get in there. I'm gonna go home and play Halo 3. Here son. You take over"
"Dad I'm only 16."
"Its fine. You're a Belichick...Plus we're up by thirty with only a half left. The games in the bag. Just use the 'ask Madden' feature if you get stuck....Rodney, Vrabel, Wilfork, Wes, Izzo, and Ellis....You guys play Halo right? Alright. Get changed. LAN party at my house in forty."

2. Sorry for keeping our starters in a little longer and trying out some plays when we have to play a team that doesn't suck next week.

3. We won 52-7 because you guys turned over half a dozen times. Sorry for capitalizing and not just giving you the ball back with a Patriotic pat on the ass.

4. We did put the second string in. And Cassel ran it in for a touchdown proving that if we really wanted to disrespect you we would have put the cheerleaders into uniform to score the last 14 points of the game.

The Sox trounced Colorado  in four games outscoring them 29 to 10 I think.  Matt Holiday didn't  complain about us letting Papelbon close each game. I mean we should have put Lugo on the mound to give them a chance right?  Maybe some sportsmanship can rub off on Randall Godfrey and all the whinners in football recently.

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Females. Come on.

Recently my brother alerted me to a horrible statistic. I had to look it up to make sure that it was valid and it is. According to Barry Schwartz's  the Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less the majority of 13 year old girls from all demographics in America polled listed shopping as their number one favorite thing to do in the world.  This is obvious, its the percentage that shopping won by that is horrifying. Not 25% or 33% or even 50%. Nope. 93%. Yep 93 percent of chicks can think of nothing more important in life than going shopping.

It gets even worse as you think about the last 7%. I'm assuming 4 percent of those chicks are Bible Belters who listed "worshiping Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior" as their favorite activity. These girls are even more terrifying than the capitalist shop sluts. Of the remaining 3 percent, 2 percent probably said "facebook" or "watching the hills" as their favorite thing to do and of course put shopping at number 2. That leaves 1 percent. 0.5% are far too impoverished to shop but if they could they'd list it as number one. And 0.3% are physically incapable of shopping because they're handicap, but again would have listed shopping as number one if they, you know, had legs and stuff.

That leaves 0.2% that said something at least somewhat worthy.  To those 2 girls out of every thousand  that rather do stupid things like read, be with family, see the world, or do sports over shopping I salute you. You are worthy of being a Budwiser Real American Hero any day.

Super Siggi Look Alikes

Planet in Peril

So I'm sitting around watching CNN's Planet in Peril with like Anderson Cooper and company and they're talking about how even the smallest changes in the climate and water levels can have dire consequences. Which got me wondering about the following:

You know how nothing can travel faster than the speed of light? So what if I found a magical webcam and when I waved my hand on one end someone in Australia saw the wave almost instantly and in fact the information arrived at twice the speed of light. Then what? Does the world explode?

Or what if instead of freezing at 0 deg. celcius all the water in the world decides to freeze at 0.001 deg. What then? Does the world just explode?

Or what if everyones farts stopped smelling like doodie but instead smelt like cinnamon(like mine)? Then what? Do we all start farting until someone lights a match and the world explodes?

Or what if I turned on Fox one day and there was a good show on that caught my attention? What then? Does the world explode? I know my brain would.

Frakly I don't know how the world hasn't already exploded.