Monday, October 12, 2009

Just One Jackson

Here's a list of things you can get with twenty dollars in this country:

Half a tank of gas
Two Cheese Pizzas
Harry Potter Book
A baseball cap
A nice pair of socks
A Britney Spears poster
50ft of ethernet cable
Ipod carrying case
A set of three replacement razor blades
A gram
A litter of rum
A special edition cd
Having Siggi flogged by two ugly strippers with his own belt. Price includes blood red ass cheeks, a series of cock punches so that his belt can be forcefully removed, and of course watching a grown man put his pants back on with tears in his eyes.

One of these things is not like the other ones.

I mean seriously. Why pay $23 for two movie tickets when you can fork out a dinky twenty bills to see Passion of the Christ reenacted in your very own living room? I don't know what its like to have nails hammered through my limbs but I know now what it feels like to have skin peeled from your ass. I also know what its like to be betrayed by a Judas. You can't spell Lucifer without Luu.

One last thing you can get with 20 bills: a cushion to bring to work for your healing ass.