Thursday, March 18, 2010

Don't Sign The Healthcare Bill!!!!

The word 'femenist' has an unfair negative connotation. Gender pride. Equality. These are good things. So we need a new word to describe this modern flux of harpies. I'm talking about the women that have miserable lives and blame it on society's mistreatment of their entire sex.

These chicks are convinced that when a professor smiles at them that means "come over after class and S my D or I'll give you an F." In reality you got a D- on your paper because you handed in a 22 page manifesto on why males should be enslaved and farmed for their seed when the topic of the assignment was to discuss the impact of the mongolian empire on the far east.

Chauvinism by itself means MALE chauvinism(but you don't see me whining about equality). So what do we call irrational fem based arrangements? How about wenchism? The following article is by a wenchist then:

ARE U SERIOUS(click me)?!?!?!

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Obama: Alright gentlemen. Bipartisanship seems to be an entity of the past. Single-payer may remain a communist taboo in this country forever. For now even the public option and universal healthcare will have to wait. But our two year plight was not futile. 35 million more will be covered. The deficit will be reduced, and those that needed reform the most...those paying for healthcare out of their pocket or those that can't afford it will be handed some well needed slack. Its not perfect, but its better than nothing. Now for my John Hanckock to-
Presidential Aid: Sir wait!
Obama: What is it?
Presidential Aid: I have a letter here from Natasha Chart. She's pointed out something our experts seem to have overlooked.
Obama: What is it?
Presidential Aid: Well you see, she seems to be in abusive relationship. The partner from as far as I can tell is illegally withholding funds from her. He plans to shackle her for life by inseminating her with his demon seed and spawning some sort of hell child. Apparently this bill will make the abortion Natasha is destined to need even more expensive...and like I said this guy steals all her money.
Obama: I see....Why doesn't she seek legal consult or just dump this guy?
Presidential Aid: Based on her obsession with asking rhetorical questions and then answering them with short melodramatic blurbs like "no" and "never!" I'd wager a guess and say that it's because she's mentally challenged. I got an assistant looking into a history of special education as we speak.
Obama: Is her account nothing but an anecdote or are other women going to be in a similar situation?
Presidential Aid: Well most of her account is just wrist cutting and tear licking, but she does make a completely non sourced claim that 1 in 3 women will need an abortion in their lifetimes.
Obama: One in three?!?!
Presidential Aid: I know right! Is that the femenist utopia? Where if you get pregnant a pop-up appears on your iPod asking you if you feel like having this baby right now?
Obama: Nonetheless. I think she's right. We need to reaccess.
Presidential Aid: Excuse me?
Obama: Tear up the bill.
Presidential Aid: Say what?
Obama: These 35 million impoverished people suffering from sarcoidosis and diabetes will have to wait! No matter how cheap we make abortions she still won't be able to afford one because her abusive partner somehow manages to take every cent she earns. So we shall wait until Natasha's uterus is so ransacked from aborting this-is-not-your-fault-but-fuck-you-anyway fetuses that she is no longer fertile. Then we will fight another 2 grueling years against the worst party divide Washington has ever seen to get reform pushed through again, but this time with free abortions for everyone! Cuz what's healthcare reform without free abortions?....Fascism, my friends. Fascism.
Presidential Aid: Wait...are you serious?
Obama: Fuck naw nigga. Where's my pen so I can sign this shit?