Friday, October 1, 2010

Movement or Typical Motions?

Why are we calling a couple of million tards that believe what FOX news tells them a “movement”? Not just any movement, a political one. The tea party is at best a bowel movement. And at its worst it’s a post Chinatown luncheon bowel movement. It’s also not grass roots or third party in any sense of the word. Maybe in ‘08 it was when Ron Paul was at the helm, and Rand Paul was an acorn not far from the tree. But now Rand and his angry mob are nowhere near Ron’s libertarian tree. They’ve moved to a completely different tree…the republican one. This isn’t a grass roots movement; it’s another cog in GOP agenda.

Which is what? Well the economy crashed and the deficit is bigger than Kanye West’s ego, but the GOP needs to get top bracket tax cuts and wall street deregulation to continue onward. The rich vote is in the bank…clearly. The platform for the impoverished is static, the same as it has been for decades: we think you’re cancer and hope you all die, but if you believe in Jesus you have to vote for us. But how do you get the middle class to agree to give Lloyd Blankfein tax cuts and more poor people’s mortgages to place bets with?

Enter from stage right Dick Armey and his sprawling dick army. Enter Beck, Palin, and Rove with a very logical explanation for everything that went wrong with the economy: minorities. The problem is drug dealers buying houses they can’t afford (they already buy pimpmobiles they can’t afford. What did you think was gonna happen next?!?!). The problem is Mexicans getting scooters from the scooter store with medicare(I guess they put blades on them and resell them as lawnmowers or something).

And people (they call themselves ralliers) believe this shit. What they don’t believe is that this is racist. We’re not racist…we can just be easily manipulated into believing that whites are the poor victims in the financial downturn and the problem isn’t the broker in a 2G suit at Morgan but, in fact, the janitor in the jump suit. Saying the tea party is not racist just patriotic is like saying the Hitler youth were just proud countrymen. Get the fuck out of here.

But hypocrisy is the cornerstone to their “movement” and selective memory a staple of modern conservatism. Where were you when Bush was making it rain with tax payer money? Where were you when Bush took a steamy Texas size dump and wiped his ass with that constitution you all seem to cherish with the patriot act? “I was out on the streets then too! Rallying for America!” Really? I didn’t hear shit. Were you miming about your cause? Get the fuck out of here.

There are parts of this “movement” the GOP won’t be able to absorb. Christine O’Donnel rode into office on their anger and will push her own crazy ass agenda. But republicans don’t care about her. What’s she gonna do? Propose 'get a spank if you wank' bills? She thinks Pinky and the Brain is a factual TV show. She’s a collective get the fuck out of here. I did a sporcle that was name all 50 states and it took me like ten minutes to remember fucking Delware. Deleware…get the fuck out of here.

But the rest of the party voting for Rand Paul et all is just voting for republicans. They vote for less spending and what they’ll get are tax cuts for the rich and deregulation. But that’s GOP SOP(standard operating procedure). You promise abortion laws. You give tax cuts to the affluent and fight for big business. You promise social security reform. You give tax cuts to the affluent and fight for big business. You promise welfare reform. You give tax cuts to the affluent and fight for big business. You promise the second coming of Christ. You…alright we get it. Get the fuck out of here.

American mass political thought is a lot like bros icing bros. Glenn Beck walks around with a bag full of ideas that are really hard to swallow(smirnoffs) and approaches people with them. Every now and again the person has a clue, a counter idea, and blocks the icing.

Two hippie professors from the 60’s are the reason the economy collapsed.(He actually said this)

I dunno man. I think it had something to do with the opaque derivatives market.

Aw shit. You got me.

Beck swallows his pride and moves on to the next guy. This one has no brainwaves.

Obama is a communist.

Is it cuz he’s black?

…Yes…

Get down on one knee and welcome to the tea party bro. The bros icing bros website thought that if everyone was on one knee then you had to be cool, right? Naw bro. You’re just a moron. And Americans think that because 30 million others are angry for the same nonsensical reasons they must be part of something, a “movement.”

Naw bro. You’re just a moron.